


Chrysalis

by DecayedDruid



Series: Chrysalis Collection [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: And those brothers support each other like no other, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone's emotional or tired and there's just so much screwing around, Explicit Sexual Context, Grae and Thanatos learn what the hell an emotion is, I found that tag popping up and honestly? Perfect., Implied/Referenced Abuse, It really is gonna hurt., It was truly an accident aha, M/M, Minor Violence, More like enemies to what are we to oh okay that's what this is, Nonetheless I do love him, Okay but no joke this story is angst city., Quote: "When are we gonna do something about this unspoken thing between us?" "What unspoken thing?", Self-Discovery, Sinclair is SO soft and good, Sinclair is soft and tired, Thanatos: I'm gonna try to do this thing right! ... Why wasn't this thing right, Throughout this I learned Nevaeh is essentially an accidental Sebastian Michaelis of sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-05 06:09:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17319446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecayedDruid/pseuds/DecayedDruid
Summary: It all started when Thanatos and Grae met via a mutual bounty mission. They were in the same party to do some huge task for some hot-shot dwarf, and during that journey, Grae nearly got assassinated. By all technicality, Thanatos shouldn't have cared. All they did after meeting was fight and go at each others throats, they didn't have a single compatible bone in their bodies. But no one else noticed when Grae was so obviouslynot okay(which was not in Grae's norm), so why for some reason did that make Thanatos not only care... But care enough to try and make Grae feel better?As if it could get any worse when it ended up being a comfort screw, 'no-strings-attached' type relationship that--surprise, surprise--ended up getting strings attached to it. Emotions are complicated and absolutely ridiculous.





	1. (i.) metamorphosis.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GeneralWeylyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralWeylyn/gifts).



> HEY, guess what! This is the original Thanatos and Grae fic! Holy crap, haha, took me long enough to upload this beast! I'm not gonna lie, there's a decent amount of sex at first, but there _really is_ a plot, I promise you. It just takes some build-up... Amongst other things. [Coughs] _Anyway_ , all of the characters (minor & major) are mine **except** Grae Yalanthil, whom belongs to my beloved fiancé GeneralWeylyn.
> 
> Also there is hella angst, I hope to try and balance it out with a nice amount of fluff and not just sex, haha! But Grae and Thanatos are admittedly not the most in tune with their emotions, as such, they're not the most romantic couple. ... Sinclair and his two lovers, on the other hand... They're soft. They might rot your teeth, hehe. And Sinclair has a bigger role in this fic!!
> 
> I hope this lives up to all my other writing, and this is also multi-chaptered. Hoo-boy. Unlike King and Lionheart, I don't have as much of a cohesive way to end this fic, but I do know at least where I'm taking it if nothing else.~ Enjoy!

It wasn't initially planned to end up anything like this. They started out at each other's throats for blood and hating each other like no one's business. They were bad confidants and horrific fellow party members. No amount of Grae's snow and ice could soothe the raging inferno that was Thanatos' temper and spitfire mouth. And the chibido's heat couldn't ever get raised enough to warm the biting chill that the snow elf's winter winds brought. The exact personification of 'fire and ice', if you will. They couldn't stand to be in the same room for even a couple minutes at first.

… Now they were bed partners for entire nights.

– – – – –

It initially started midway through their assigned mission. Some stupid, drunk off his ass ( _shocker_ ) dwarf that none of them even cared to remember the name of wanted them to retrieve some legendary family heirloom whose history ran a lot deeper than the dwarf cared to inform them about. Thanatos knew there was a very large reason dwarves pissed him off to no end, but typically, everyone pissed him off. Dwarves were exceptionally high on the list, though, notably such.

As was Grae, prissy and elite snow elf nobility. Holier-than-thou, how-dare-you-act-even-remotely-less-than-perfection-around-me icy fuckstick. So when Grae was mixed up in some outside-of-the-mission hassle and kinda shut down... Thanatos was surprised to find some ember of concern stirring inside him. He tried to snuff it out, gods, did he try to put that bitch out for nights on end. He figured it was just the shock of nearly being assassinated, no one got over that breed of shock super quick.

But Grae never got _shook up_ , and even Thanatos knew that in the end. He was secretive and withdrawn, didn't let you in farther than his most out-est storm door and regular wooden door from his plethora of locked doors, sure—but he wasn't purely **robotic**. After that assassination attempt, the light more or less left his eyes and he went on a form of auto-pilot and no one in their party hardly even acknowledged it after the initial incident.

Thanatos chalked it up to everyone else truly being that fucking stupid, or not caring at all. Either way, the rage was enough to do the exact opposite of what he wanted. It dumped a whole container of kerosene on the ember that flickered in his being, and it erupted and roared into an entire wildfire. And Thanatos would be damned if he didn't kick Grae's ass into the frying pan to wake him up. The fact it was _him_ doing it would arguably be enough to piss Grae off into grounding and coherency, right?

… Right?

One night, Thanatos decided he would room with Grae in an inn the party was staying in, and the lack of protest from the snow elf made him want to scream. Which confused him in and of itself, because it should have delighted him, Grae's snide remarks pissed him to no end. But that was something to dissect and pick apart at another time, he had a plan to follow through with now, goddammit.

So they went through with the daytime as normal, gathering location intel and using leisure time to unwind. And then came the night. Grae immediately retired to his and Thanatos' room, and Thanatos was not delayed in following him upstairs. Time to follow through with what he had in mind, and Thanatos didn't appreciate what felt like electricity running through the nerves in his fingertips. He specialized in fire magick, and the fact he was sure the feeling was caused by his essentially once-in-a-blue-moon anxiety... Was equally rare and aggravating. It was unwanted and undesirable, it needed to promptly fuck off.

He went to walk into the room as Grae was shutting the door, and so he stuck the toe of his boot in to prevent the door from fully closing. Grae jumping a bit, his body tensing with paranoia and suspicion. Upon seeing Thanatos, he bristled and sighed.

“What do you want, rabbit? I'm tired and would like to rest, if you don't mind, so do make it quick and leave me be.”

Ah, _rabbit_. It was the animal Thanatos transformed into, ironically, him being a druid and all. A form of trickery with him essentially being a hellfire tank in battle with his Fireball spells. But Grae did not use the nickname with fond intentions. Interestingly, the jab didn't bother him like it usually did, and Thanatos could even respond calmly. Hah, Thanatos speaking calmly. That was almost a joke.

“Actually, uh, I wanted to talk to you. I know you're tired, after the past few days I can really only imagine, but I really need to t'chat with you if that's alright. Please?”

The long pause was tense and heavy. Grae stared and even _squinted_ after a second, causing the tan druid to shift his weight uneasily. Eventually Grae cautiously opened the room's door wider to allow Thanatos entry, and the rabbit still would never openly admit that his chest relaxed a bit more to let him breathe easier because of that. He stepped inside and walked over to presumably his bed (the other one had a tome on the bedside table, and Thanatos wasn't the scholarly type like Grae was). He plopped down none too gently as Grae shut the door, locking it (probably a recent paranoia-induced habit) and treading over to his own bed.

He sat down and sighed, running a hand through his hair and sighing, looking to Thanatos. Glinting amber eyes met with smooth, glacier silver-blue and they stared at each other in an unsure silence.

“You really haven't seemed well lately, about this past week at least.”

“You're going blind it seems, cottontail. I'm fine.” His voice became a tinge more biting and cold. A new nickname as well, and that was where Thanatos knew he was right. Why would Grae need to try and drag the knife deeper when there was apparently nothing to be worried of?

“Eh?” Thanatos raised an eye, leaning forward. Grae flinched as the druid's boot heel thudded a bit harshly against the wooden floor. It was a great deal quieter in their room than in the mess hall where there was a wandering orc and a stranger barbarian. That alone meant a room filled with chaos. Their tiefling ranger friend, Hana, was mischievous and loud. She had her own fair contribution to the hectic atmosphere. “Doing so impeccable that you're spacy and twitchy. Absolutely yourself, huh?”

Grae's nostrils flared as he tried to disguise a forceful exhale, his shoulders tensing. Thanatos couldn't help but give a small, toothy smirk. He loved seeing the warlock get riled up, and he could always smell Grae's magick begin to buzz inside of him. Smelled like ash and crackling kindling. Some of his favorite smells that always got Thanatos raring to go, but he had to quickly reign himself in. This was supposed to help Grae, not make him further withdrawn and pissed to boot.

“Is this your definition of speaking with me?” Grae's voice had brought on an edge of venom and sharpness, “Berating and provoking? I believe I need to go speak with Olivier and have our rooms rearranged, I most certainly wouldn't mind rooming with a cleric instead--”

Pure, unadulterated panic flashed through Thanatos' body, making it feel like molten magma was injected into his veins. Anxiety forced his body into action and he lurched across the space towards the elven warlock, hand extended. Trembling lightly. Part of him hoped Grae didn't notice, but Thanatos wasn't stupid. Grae and Thanatos were equally matched in observation skills and visual prowess. “ _Wait_ , no, no, don't do it. Don't switch rooms. That wasn't what I meant by talking. Hear me out. **_Please_**.”

He watched. Grae leaned back out of confusion and being mildly perturbed, looking to Thanatos' trembling hand and then to his widened eyes. Thanatos' pupils had shrank so small, suddenly he seemed so small and desperate. He would never know that Grae sometimes wondered if Thanatos realized how much like a rabbit he actually was. Torn between distrust and confusion, conflicted in either actually hearing Thanatos out or simply telling him to piss off and speaking with their cleric Olivier anyway...

… Not much harm in attempting actual conversation. They were in the same party with a mutual goal, if Thanatos truly wanted to kill Grae like the others, he would've done so by now. There wasn't true harm to it, and Thanatos was pretty sure Grae realized that as he watched the nobleman try to relax his body some.

“Make it _very_ good, and make it _very_ quick, or I'll kick you out, cottontail.”

Grae's voice sounded more like himself. High and mighty, smug, I'm-so-much-better-than-you-Thanatos. That same tone that used to always infuriate him, but now seemed like a bucket of ice cold water over his head. Abrupt, grounding. Something that made Thanatos release a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He lowered his hand and relaxed his posture. Took a smaller step towards Grae and stopped when he noticed the elf's breath hitch.

“... May I sit next to you?”

Grae looked to him again, raised a thin and silvery eyebrow. “Since when did you gain manners? … I suppose I may permiss you to sit next to me, go ahead.”

The druid squinted and gave a lazy shrugging gesture to his fellow party member, rolling his eyes sarcastically and gently plopping down on Grae's bed now, crossing his legs at his ankles. He twiddled his burnt thumbs, staring at his hands almost awkwardly. He was doing this for the mission and party. He didn't give a single, solitary fuck about Grae and who he was as a person. He hated his personality, morals, and who he was as a person. That's how it'd always been.

… Yet his current emotions aligned with entirely different motives that Thanatos _refused_ to linger on enough to figure out what they were. He hated Grae, and he refused to entertain thoughts that suggested anything different. Grae was his enemy and rival. He didn't care for him.

A deep breath broke the brief, lighter silence. “Like I said. You really haven't been yourself.”

“I've been as diligent, hard-working, and quiet as I've always been, rabbit. I think your fire magick may have finally roasted what brain matter lingered in that skull of yours—”

“No, Grae, shut up!” Thanatos snapped loudly, startling the warlock. He actually called him by name, for one, which was enough to shatter whatever façade they were skirting around. Thanatos was glaring now, and Grae seemed more vulnerable and panicked. He was definitely attempting to cover it up though, as he always did. But, for once, he was caught off guard. And Thanatos of all people did it to him, which arguably made it worse. Thanatos was done beating around the bush, he decided it was high time to light it ablaze and walk right over the ashes to directly address Grae. He was tired of playing.

“Just shut up, okay?! I know you, I know your hiding in the shadows behind all your pretty locked doors bullshit, and I've had it, okay? I've fucking had it, we all saw what happened! That other elf, which looked nothing like a snow elf, that did a very shit job of trying to take your life! I'm done cutting corners, Grae. Ever since then you've acted nothing like yourself. You say diligent, hard-working, and quiet, but you know what _I've_ seen? I've seen a goddamn robot in a snow elf's body! It's not you, it's a doll.

“Grae has been absolutely absent-without-leave for the past, hmm, week and a half? At least? Call me a liar if you'd like, but I've been pret-ty fucking concerned! The fact the rest of our party seems too goddamn dense too notice even the beginnings of it makes it that much worse because it didn't even seem that obscure to me! I've wanted you, I've wanted **_Grae_** , back in this party for this mission! Not whatever robot has decided to take his place!”

Grae remained frozen for a very decent moment, his expression mostly blank but had a slight bit of shock and possible... panic? He swallowed thickly and inhaled shakily, looking away from Thanatos and to the wooden floor of their room. He tried to crane his head at an angle so as to partially obscure his face. It wasn't a very successful try.

A deep inhale, and Thanatos was infinitely positive he had began to hold his breath to make an attempt to prevent himself from crying. Yet the tears came anyway. It took a second. One tear, slowly at first. Then another, quicker, then two tears. Then started the waterfall, and Grae crumpled in on himself. He bit his bottom lip, because if he didn't have a choice in crying, he was obviously going to make damn sure he didn't audibly sob or cry out. Thanatos wasn't sure if it was dignity or a trauma related reaction, but nonetheless, he was surprised. He'd never seen Grae react like this even mildly, and now he was essentially withering and falling apart. Firsts for everything, the druid supposed.

He hesitantly reached a hand out, gingerly making contact with the warlock's shoulder. Grae flinched and tensed at first, but didn't protest and eventually relaxed whilst involuntarily crying silently. He just kept a gentle grasp, sending the most soothing vibes he could, gently raising his body heat to set it to a more soothing temperature. Pointers to being a arcane magicks user proficient in fire-based spells: He was, in all its literal glory, a sentient heater. And it was a very effective way to help soothe those in distress. He tried not to raise it too much since Grae was a snow elf, he was extremely fucking cold all the damn time and Thanatos didn't want to burn him. But he hoped it would help.

It seemed to a little bit, after a small full body shiver, Grae inhaled sharply out of being startled and relaxed. To the point of even seeming to melt a bit. Thanatos wondered if it was intentional when Grae leaned some of his body weight against his side. Grae speaking gave him a sort of indirect answer.

“... Could you help me forget?” he asked, voice raspy from the amount of crying and also being restrained.

“... Eh?” Thanatos paused, confusion striking. “I'm... Not catching onto your intended question, Gr—”

An irritated, harsh sigh cut through Thanatos' question. Grae began to pull away, shaking his head. “I don't know why I'd ever considered asking you—”

“No, Grae, just, dammit! Please—” Thanatos leaned after Grae, snatching his closer forearm and pulling him back towards him. “Please tell me what you meant. What did you mean?”

Rather than use words, Grae simply made eye contact with Thanatos once more, and this time was the most intense by far. If it was a physical attack or verbal cantrip, Thanatos was certain it'd be one hell of a sucker punch. The sudden tension in the room was almost tangible. There was silence, and Thanatos' lips parted to shoot off a snarky remark about the elf's silence, but it was cut off. Cut off by Grae lunging in and molding his lips to Thanatos', using his free arm to wrap around Thanatos' neck, and hand to get a tight grip on the long tresses at the nape of his neck. What was initially going to be just a low noise became a groan of pleasurable interest as Grae began to gradually pull and _tug_ on his violet locks.

As it was, disappointingly, they had to pull away from their kiss for air at some point. And when they did, Grae gave Thanatos an intense yet slightly glazed look. Thanatos had no doubt his eyes were half-lidded and fiery as he stared back. He could already feel the heat and pressure in his groin pooling and gathering. As it was, Thanatos was akin to a rabbit in _that_ respect, as well. It didn't take much, and he had quite the stamina.

“Clear for you now, cottontail?” Grae cocked his head to the side as he moved to climb onto the bed and crawl onto Thanatos, straddling his hips. The druid's hand slid off of his warlock companion's forearm, small wisps of orange and purple flames jumping from his fingers into the air before extinguishing. Thanatos' right hand firmly gripped Grae's hip. The other hand slid up Grae's thigh, going past his hip and sliding up under his top. The elf shivered delightfully, goosebumps rising on his skin as Thanatos leaned in closer to his proximity. While he wore the badge of a rabbit, he typically gave off the impressions of a predator in situations such as these.

Conveniently, Grae was looking to be devoured for the time being, and Thanatos was the perfect candidate to help him with **that**.

Tan fingers skittered over supple, pale skin, and Grae's breath came out in small puffs as Thanatos' finger pads slid up to one of his pectorals. Thanatos gave a sly, toothy grin as he brushed an areola, and even slightly Grae's nipple before eventually sinking in his surprisingly semi-sharp nails and digging them down his side. How did he never notice Thanatos' nails being so sharp?

“A-ahh...” A light shudder rolled down his torso, a mixture of the warmth and sensation of the nails sending ripples of pleasure through his body. Thanatos noted that Grae's hips did a small roll, try as he may to hide it. Grae lifted his one free hand to his mouth, gently biting down on his pointer finger to silence himself. No way in any realms was he going to give Thanatos the pleasure of making a bunch of noise right from the get go, it seemed. Thanatos lightly snorted.

“Difficult as always, eh, Earl Grae? Can't just let me have the pleasure, huh...” he spoke softly, lowly. It was almost a deep drawl, and Grae would've immediately retorted, but Thanatos had the absolute fucking gall to nose his goddamn tunic up and nip at his stomach with his teeth and sharper canines and incisors. Because of course he did, it was Thanatos of all people he was about to sleep with.

Making as many love nips as he could make on Grae's v-line, Thanatos slid his free hand to Grae's back and splayed it out, pressing it flat so he could keep the elf against him. He felt cool skin squirming under him as he nipped and sucked with varying intensities, licking and lapping apologetically if he went a bit harder or too much teeth on too little skin. Sometimes Grae accidentally let small squeals slip out, and every time he did, Thanatos murmured sweet nothings against Grae's skin that would earn him a tighter grip in his hair and a tug or a few as a 'punishment'. It could hardly be considered such, seeing as every pull only made Thanatos pause in a pleasurable tremble.

Eventually, he could feel Grae sort of pushing down on his head, and Thanatos had come to a halt when it'd gone on for about a minute. Molten amber connected with silvery grey and Grae even removed his finger from his mouth, panting as he now used _both_ hands to kind-of-gently push downwards.

“Stop scratching and teasing, rabbit,” he panted, his breathing decently more labored from how much more Thanatos had marked up his skin with his nails and mouth in the past couple of minutes. “Your mouth, use it for something a bit more _productive_... if you wouldn't mind...”

“Well, well, well...” Thanatos mused, dragging a nail or two lightly down Grae's lower spine. He gasped and shuddered, tightening his grip in Thanatos' hair and pulling out a soft groan. His dick throbbed, and Thanatos wanted _so badly_ to cut to the chase—but when was there ever any fun in that? “Maybe, Grae, if you were a bit nicer...?”

“Oh, what—Nicer? Are you serious? We're about to have sex, and you want me to ask you to suck my dick more nicely? You have to be kidding me right now, cottontail!”

“Pffft!!!”

Thanatos snorted loudly and nearly gave in from that response alone, but he wanted more fun. Grae could easily be coded as a power bottom or something of the sort, but Thanatos didn't give in to anyone so easily.

“I'm not just rabbit or cottontail. Say my actual name and I'll do it.”

Grae stared at him, jaw barely agape and his grip weakening. “You're kidding.”

“I'm about as kidding as much as Olivier is chaotic evil.”

Grae paused again briefly in disbelief and shook his head, trying to usher again with another smaller push and a seductive roll of the hips, “Come on, just—Just do it, can't you feel what you've done to me? I'm offering to show you as well _and_ get me off. Just do it, you know full well that you want to...”

Thanatos ignored both attempts to coax him into sucking the snow elf's dick, simply leaning grabbing his ass and licking a long stripe up his stomach before placing a new hickey and toying with his butt. He bit somewhat harsher than he had prior to now thus far, relishing in the sharp gasp it was given in response. Thanatos gently lapped at the bite in response, as he did with all the others.

“Call me by name and I will, as I told you, Grae. You know my name, and you know I'm a man of my word. C'mon, it's just eight letters... Is it so hard to say just eight measly letters? All you have to do is ask me—by name—to suck your dick, and I'll do it.”

And to top it all off, the druid even dipped down close to the waistband of the warlock's pants, dragging just the very tip of his tongue across the skin above it, sliding his hands down and wrapping them around the back of his thighs, massaging the inside of his thighs close to his dick. He heard Grae's breath hitch once again and heard an ever so soft moan, almost inaudible and complete with a voice break or two. Thanatos internally smirked. That's what Grae got for removing his finger from his mouth.

“Ahn! … Ugh... F-Fine... Thanatos, just—Come on, suck me off already, can't you feel how needy I am for you? Stop making me wait and do it already, you're being such a cock-tease!” he hissed softly, the venom in his voice absolutely disingenuous. _Bingo_.

Thanatos both figured it'd be most appreciated by the noble elf, and didn't even desire to give Grae a verbal response—so he simply swiftly removed Grae's pants and grabbed his cock gently but firmly at the base. That alone had Grae tensing in anticipation and suddenly holding his breath, but when Thanatos leaned forward and easily took his dick into his warm and wet mouth in one smooth attempt... The low, soft moan Grae made as he leaned down and over Thanatos' head was so worth it. Full voice break and _all_. He made a mental note to never let the elf live that down in private. The teasing made this _so_ worth it.

He relaxed his jaw and throat so as to keep his gag reflex lax and steady, and to have the eventual pain easy to ignore as he swirled his tongue around the head of the dick in his mouth. Slowly, he began to bob his head, using his first two fingers and thumb to stroke and massage the base so he didn't have to overwork his mouth.

Saliva was already beginning to slide down to Grae's sac seconds later, the muscles in his legs quivering as the elf tensed and strained his body from the waves of pleasure. He used one arm after releasing Thanatos' hair to rest it against the room wall, stopping himself from falling and also forcing himself to stop moving his hips after he noticed them twitching and trying to buck. He was tempted, but didn't want to assume it was okay to face fuck Thanatos. He seemed the type that could handle it, though...

He could've moaned when Thanatos made eye contact with him, though. Pale dick between his pink lips, fingers releasing the base of his cock to use both hands to grab his hips... Huh? Gentle grip around his hips again, Thanatos' eyes with his stupidly long and pretty eyelashes (were they always that long and pretty?) fluttered as he shut them and gently did back and forth motions with Grae's hips. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth as if to... To thrust? Thanatos was giving him to permission to face fuck him?

Grae's own eyes fluttered and rolled back a bit as Thanatos' nails dug gently into his lower back and then got rougher as they clawed down and slid down his legs, making him buck into the druid's mouth. Aside from the very rare, minor gag, Thanatos did indeed take it like a champ. And actually encouraged Grae to continue, every now and again he'd just hold Grae around the hips and deep throat him.

It was at one point, Grae felt like his lungs were shriveled up flower petals, and they were burning up. He felt so good, and his breathing from it was so, so erratic. But Thanatos' mouth was a warm, wet heaven, and it felt _so_ good. So good, so hot, so fucking amazing, he didn't want it to--

“Oh, ahn, mmnn, Thanatos, I think I'm going—going to cum...Haaah!!!” Grae's thighs tensed incredibly so, tears pricking his eyes as his muscles angrily cramped in protest from all the misuse. Thanatos' hands slid down his back (when did they end up back there?), rubbing small circles in his butt cheeks with his thumbs... And that is about when he initially noticed that his hands were heated up a bit again. He slid his hands to the snow elf's thighs, clasping them and gently massaging, rubbing. … When was Thanatos so gentle...? It worked the cramps out almost immediately, for which Grae was immensely thankful.

Thanatos wiped a stray tear that was stuck in the corner of one of Grae's eyes, and that's when the silver haired man noticed something... And snorted a bit louder than intended. Thanatos squinted suspiciously.

“What?”

“Huh?” Grae asked, trying to not seem fishy.

“What's so funny, eh? I heard that snort. Whassup? Tell me, and don't say it was nothing, you were lookin' right at me, Earl Grae.”

Exhaling a small chuckle-sigh, Grae hesitantly reached out. “You have, uh... You...”

In the end, he ended up reaching for a nearby handkerchief and dabbing it wet, wiping some cum off the corner off Thanatos' mouth. His mental processes weren't about to let him use his bare hands.

“Messy, messy.” Grae tried to joke.

“Fuck you!” Thanatos sneered with about zero of the normal vitriol, and the warlock knew it.

“... I mean...~” Grae hummed, dropping the handkerchief on the bedside table and “accidentally” sticking his ass in Thanatos' face whilst doing that. When he returned to Thanatos' lap, the druid seemed thoroughly interested again. He then proceeded to lower his hips to where he felt Thanatos' dick fairly clearly through his pants. He rubbed his bottom teasingly against it through the fabric, and he was more than positive how it frustrating it was for Thanatos. It wasn't quite as fun hot-dogging through fabric. “... Isn't that was you were intending to do in the first place?”

Thanatos' breathing seemed heavier now, his gaze more fixated. Possessive. More like Grae was... Not even prey, but his mate. Something about that sent a chill down the elf's spine and he elected to ignore it entirely for the time being. Thanatos leaned in towards the warlock, using a hand to cup his chilly and pale cheek. He leaned into Thanatos' warm hand. Aside from the charged, sexual tension, the warmth just felt nice and soothing in general...

“Hey Grae?” Thanatos asked, surprisingly quiet as he leaned in further, starting to kiss along Grae's jawline. With every kiss, nip, and lick brought different forms of contact-induced electric shock and warmth pooling in his belly all over again. Grae instinctively craned his head to give Thanatos room, but softly requested he not leave any obvious markings in these locations.

“What is it, cottont—... Thanatos?” Grae asked, the elf finding a surprising thrill running through him when a large and approving purr ran through the druid's chest at Grae correcting himself. Thanatos was indeed pleased to hear him correcting the name being used.

Thanatos ground his hips against Grae, his breath fanning out against snowy skin and he murmured in the elf's ear. “Would you mind it if I asked you to get on your hands and knees for me?”

Something about the situation and being asked that made Grae's face burn with a deep blush, nonetheless he mumbled a low 'no' in response. Thanatos grinned happily, gently slapping Grae on the ass and telling him to 'get moving along, then'. Grae involuntarily yipped lightly, glaring a bit more actual daggers at Thanatos for making him emit such a noise, who simply snickered in return. When he was in position, Thanatos made another, louder noise of approval.

“So beautiful, Grae.”

“Wh—? Sh... Shut up, Thanatos, you don't actually mean that.”

“And who's to say you're right about that, hmm? Don't say things you can't confidently confirm, Earl Grae.”

Feeling thoroughly and suddenly vulnerable, to the point of minor discomfort and confusion, Grae shifted on the bed. It came out of nowhere, both of them had thought that. “Hurry up already, cottontail, I'm here to be fucked, not hear you wax poetic.”

“... I have no fucking idea what that last bit meant, but I'm pretty sure it was a jab, so I'm going to make extra sure to fuck you until you can't talk anymore. Got that, pretty boy?”

A thrill of excitement ran down Grae's spine at the prospect, mentally holding Thanatos to the standard. But loud-mouthed, brash, always-one-hundred-fucking-percent Thanatos? He'd be shocked if he didn't stick to his word, to be fair. “Get to it the—ha, hah, aaah! What the-?!”

The snow elf jumped a bit on the bed, screwing his fists into the sheets in surprise as a long and wet stripe went up the back of his ass cheek, followed by a moderate bite. Panting, Grae looked back to see Thanatos grinning and massaging, kneading his ass. Digging his nails in occasionally and clawing, and as they made eye contact... Thanatos pressed an awfully soft kiss to where he bit on Grae's ass cheek. The elf's cloudy eyes narrowed as he wiggled his hips in slight displeasure. He wasn't sure how much he enjoyed the fact Thanatos' playfulness during sex, as he was... Really the only bed partner he could think of that did it like this.

It felt less like casual sex, and more like... Like... As his lungs constricted, Grae looked back to the bed in front of him to hide his moment of panic. “Sterilize your hands before you prepare me.”

“Whaa? Fine, but seriously?” Thanatos basically made the pout in his voice audible, grumbling yet doing what was requested of him regardless. Grae didn't ask for anything much, and Thanatos wasn't so brash and inconsiderate as to argue someone's stipulations. Consent was just as important as pleasure. He elected to ignore the snow elf's responding snark about him being nobility and how important it was that he keep his body clean of any potential diseases, lest that come down on him later in life.

Afterwards, he snagged a bottle of lavender & rosemary scented body massage oil and a more neutral vile of oil. He used the lavender & rosemary massage oil to quickly, yet thoroughly rub down his thighs and relax the muscles. Grae seemed greatly appreciative, given the sound of his responding groan. Following, Thanatos used the neutral lubrication to slather his fingers and dripped some sensually onto Grae's left cheek after warming it slightly.

Grae jumped again, lesser so than last time, in surprise. As he relaxed, he sniffed the air briefly, breath hitching as heard Thanatos hum and felt fingers rubbing against and circling his entrance. He raised a thin eyebrow slightly, craning his head ever so slightly to look back towards his druid party member. Something prevented him from quite looking at Thanatos. He didn't linger on such foreign and odd feelings. They were new, and now wasn't the time for analyzing. “Lavender and rosemaaay-ah... Mary?”

Thanatos had slid a finger in after managing to get Grae relaxed enough, and he gave a affirmative hum. He made quick work of moving his finger, crooking it enough so but patiently enough that it wouldn't hurt the elf. Thanatos was trying to be able to work in a second finger but still make Grae feel good. He wasn't, however, looking for the good old 'target' spot until he had at least a couple fingers in. He already had a plan formulated. “I might've snagged it en route to our room...”

“Ohh?” Grae mused, managing to keep his voice relatively level whilst being fingered. And by level, that meant just slightly shaky. He inhaled sharply, a thrill rolling down his spine and shivering through his body as the tanned druid got a second finger in. He was making quick, but thorough work. He also likely had quite the experience it obviously seemed... “I thought you were, ahm, hm, a druid and not a rogue, Thanatos? Is there multi-cla—ah... classing that I need to be aware of? Did you plan this?”

“Hah! As-fucking-if,” Was the retort in return, and it was almost hilarious the fact they were _conversing_ whilst preparing to fuck each other silly. It was easily the most civil conversation they'd ever had since joining the party for this mission, which was laughable in and of itself. “I figured talking t'you would help, then I'd gift you that. I'm not a rogue, just had to learn stealing from how I grew up. No strings attached to it. Now...”

Grae's eyebrows furrowed as he took in that information, and he also wondered how Thanatos knew that he'd actually enjoy the scent of lavender and rosemary... He didn't have very long, however, before his vision flashed white and he sharply gasped. A soft, cracked moan followed suit as he lowered his head towards the bed again ( _did that make him jerk his head up?!_ ), his arms now lightly trembling as Thanatos continued to crook his fingers and essentially _massage his prostate_. So that's what kind of bed partner he was... Grae couldn't quite say he was opposed it, exactly.

Thanatos' smugness and smirk was in his voice as he watched Grae lift up a hand to cover his mouth again and lower his other arm for better leverage, “Aw, c'mon Earl Grae, you really won't let me hear those nice noises of yours? That's **easily** one of the best parts of this, you wouldn't deprive me of my own pleasures, would you?”

… Thanatos would be lying though if he said Grae's ass sticking further up in the air didn't excite him more. Quite the opposite. Exceptionally so, actually. Grae's free hand bunched up into a frustrated fist, and Thanatos knew the cracks were being inflicted in his armor already. Perhaps just a bit more teasing, he knew he would win...

Grae could finally breathe, the white streaks and stars momentarily leaving him as Thanatos' devilishly torturous fingers pulled away from his sweet spot for a second. He took in a deep inhale, finding the oxygen especially delectable since he hadn't been able to take much in prior to this.

“Don't get too well acquainted with resting down there, hear me?” Thanatos basically _purred_ , sliding a third finger in to stretch a bit more. Grae's glared back towards Thanatos for his assholish smugness, but he probably didn't see it from his hair obscuring his face. And he'd be damned if he removed his hand from his mouth, he refused to play into the tanned man's ploy... But then the pleasure assaulted his nerves again, his entire body tensing and trembling as he withheld his panting and moaning. As was decided from the beginning, he would _not_ give that man he pleasure of making him unabashedly cry out so fast!

Thanatos, however, was equally as stubborn and determined. And something about Grae's noises stoked the raging inferno inside of him, something that even his chilliest blizzard couldn't diminish. He knew the first chinks had been made, he just had to keep pressing just as much metaphorically as he was physically. He continued to quite literally massage Grae's sweet spot, and every time he noticed the snow elf's body drawing in and tensing, pulling in to snap outwards and enjoy another even more delectable release—he'd pull away or entirely stop. There was a couple times Grae had gotten annoyed enough to make a noise akin to a growl, and Thanatos would simply reply with an airy chuckle or soft slap to his ass with his free hand.

It was when he bent down over Grae's back, his own deep violet tresses tracing down every curve of Grae's back and him kissing down, starting from the neck down to his ass... That his own achingly hard erection brushed against the underside of Grae's dripping dick and very noticeably twitched. Thanatos' breathing clearly hitched and he paused, even his fingering faltering as he shuddered. Grae smirked as he noticed this, shifting his legs as quickly and best he could to make contact with Thanatos further. A very clear sign to _get a goddamn move on already_. Thanatos snarled, the noise coming from his chest, and while it wasn't a threatening noise, it sounded damn near inhuman. It was enough to startle Grae and make him pause.

Rabbit... And what else?

Thanatos drew his fingers out, making the elf under him harshly bite his lip in frustration at the new feeling of emptiness. He hated that feeling every time it happened. But it was quite alright, because Thanatos made very quick work of quickly, yet gently, flipping Grae onto his back ( _wait, what—?_ ) and lubricating his dick ( _—when did Thanatos strip, he didn't remember that, either—?_ ). It happened so fast, Grae could hardly recall it, and that upset him only because of how great it felt. The intense heat, just on that edge of being too hot, sinking inside of him. It felt so damn good edging that line of too much and not enough, and Grae felt the noise bubbling in the back of his throat. He went to move a hand back to his face, but paused when he found his left wrist restricted. He tested his right, all the same.

Grae looked at both wrists, his silvery-white hair fanned out under him and tanned hands gently pinning his hands down at the upper forearms. He appreciated the fact it was gentle, it didn't hurt, and he could absolutely get Thanatos off if he desired it. Which is what kept him calm and pleased, the fact that Thanatos was definitely in _a not-entirely-human state_ anymore, but still there enough to accommodate Grae and his comfort. That... Made his chest pang. Or flutter? His head was swimming too much to coherently tell.

Eventually Thanatos had entirely sheathed himself inside of Grae and he nuzzled into the crook of his neck, busying himself with gentle enough bites and flat licks that it wouldn't leave marks on his soft skin. Grae silently appreciated that, too. “Tell me when I can move. You feel... Amazing, by the way.”

Grae took in a shuddery breath, nodding and relaxing. The smell of the lavender and rosemary body massage oil, paired with Thanatos' natural smell (which seemed to be a sort of smell of ash and dash of cinnamon.), it was an interesting combination. Not likely to be paired, but not all that unpleasant. Easier to unwind, and actually managed to clear his head and come down a bit. Good, good. Grae hated it when he couldn't think clearly.

A minute or two passed, and when Thanatos shifted enough to accidentally shift inside of Grae and send sparks of pleasure through his body, the elf bit his lip. “Move now.”

“You sure?”

“Mm, fuck me like you said you would. Aren't you _a man of your word_ , Thanatos? Those were _your_ words, you know.”

There was a pause in which Thanatos got that look again that could only be described as predatory, and his eyes darkened and glazed over with pure, unadulterated desire. He nuzzled as much as he could into Grae's proximity, pulling out a bit to immediately start one hell of a quick pace. It knocked the air out of Grae's lungs and he couldn't do very well in restraining his noises when there wasn't anything in front of, or in, his mouth. He felt Thanatos' breath fan out on his shoulder, warm and wet, his voice deeper than usual and thick with want.

“Let me hear your voice, please. C'mon, Grae, stop being a _fucking **tease**_ , you sounded so **beautiful** and I want to hear more. **Don't**.” _Thrust_. “ **Just**.” _Roll of the hips_. “ **Fucking**.” _Pulled out a decent amount_. “ **Deprive me of that!** ” Immediately pushed back in, his hips flush against Grae's, and pushing up right against his prostate. Grae couldn't restrain the loud moan that he made, back arching and toes curling a bit as his hands ended up sliding into Thanatos' and their fingers intertwining. God, that felt so fucking good, and the state Thanatos in seemed so decently between humanoid and beast... It was quite the experience, to say the least. A very pleasurable one.

As they went, Thanatos' pace did not let up. He cautiously released Grae's hands in favor of forcefully grabbing his hips for leverage, but surprisingly enough, Grae didn't hide his mouth. On the contrary, he continued to make the noises that Thanatos so heavily desired to hear, allowing himself to be as noisy as his body wanted him to be (which, for the record, was definitely not quiet). He placed his hands on Thanatos' biceps and dug his nails in for leverage. A pleasured growl was his response.

Every time Grae thought he was catching up and getting his breath back, Thanatos was assaulting his prostate against and knocking the wind out of him. Grae was also pretty positive he had came without being touched at some point earlier, but Thanatos' pace was so absolutely relentless he couldn't distinctly remember when it happened. He was so overwhelmed with pleasure that he could hardly tell anything distinctly apart, it had all started to blend together.

As his eyes fluttered shut, Thanatos hips stuttered and stilled, pressed right up flush against his as he came, intensely warm and heavenly.

… And thus, that was the first time they had slept together. Thanatos and Grae cleaned up after, mostly Thanatos doing the work since Grae was essentially boneless for a good amount of time. Thanatos would've slept in his bed, but something in the back of Grae's mind nagged at him to have Thanatos sleep in the same bed as him. Not necessarily cuddling up, that sounded freakish and foreign in and of itself in theory, but... Sharing a bed wasn't so bad. And while the tanned rabbit wasn't expecting such an inquiry, he wasn't opposed. So he did, and Grae had a sentient bed heater for the night.

And he admittedly had the best night of sleep that he had in a very long time.

After that, they continued to room together, and most nights it did end up with sex. Sometimes it just ended up with them laying together, or apart, and chatting about small talk. They never got too deep, their backstories were too raw and secretive to pull those bandages back on yet. But after that night, their party was so surprised at their sudden 'camaraderie' they were damn near suspicious one of them was a fake. It took some convincing for them to believe they finally... “Got over their issues”.

– – – – –

About a whole year and a half later, and the party's objective had long since been achieved. It wasn't so big as it was built up to be, some deep rooted family feud that just needed some detangling and mediating. Thanatos was pretty sure when Grae realized that, he could've died from how far his eyes rolled into the back of his head—he would've had so many better things to be spending his time on.

But at least they ended up getting each other, right? It was probably only the druid that considered that, Grae seemed to make it rather clear during their journey that this was a strictly no-strings-attached type of encounter. They only fucked because it felt good, and it allowed them to let off steam. There were no feelings attached.

… But then... Why did Grae want to keep him around after the party disbanded and went their separate ways?

Grae even wanted Thanatos to visit him in some villager pub to remain hidden from the other nobility in the 'commoner's company', and while Thanatos was initially highly opposed due to the lower temperatures... Sinclair, his younger twin brother, convinced him otherwise. Even offered to go with him, and Thanatos in the end took him with, due to nerves. Sinclair was his polar opposite, softer spoken, skittish, timid. He was the one Thanatos needed to protect. His sole purpose, now his... He wouldn't exactly say his sole purpose now.

The shine in Sinclair's bubblegum pink eyes always deterred Thanatos from saying no.

And so they visited, and Grae and Sinclair got along rather well. Exceedingly well, actually, to the point Thanatos wondered if this was less of him being with Grae and more of him unintentionally introducing him to Sinclair so they would hang out. He considered leaving the two to their own devices until the elf's gaze met his, and the gleam in Grae's silver eyes made Thanatos pause and remember what his heart tasted like.

Staying in the pub with Grae and Sinclair it was, then. ... This wasn't supposed to be how it was going to go.


	2. (ii.) ash blizzards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit finally hits the fan and Sinclair and Nevaeh _properly_ come into the story! Heyyy... Also character development. (finger guns) Thanatos feels an emotion that isn't vague annoyance or anger and is the epitome of "hm. don't like that!". Grae is still on his bullshit, but no one knows what that bullshit is. ... He really isn't bad, though, so do try not to judge him by this. ^^; Let the angst begin. Because it will be here for uhhh... (checks non-existent watch) A hot minute, but not forever. I hope you enjoy my writing.~ ^^

That ended up being the pub they would continue to meet up at, since Grae preferred the cooler temperatures and Thanatos could easily warm himself up if needed. It was where they were tonight, since Grae had a frustrated sit-in of some noble’s meeting, and Thanatos didn't exactly have the greatest day himself. They decided via their messaging system of sorts that a meet up to romp around would be appreciated and needed.

Thanatos could tell Grae wasn't all here tonight, and that bothered him a lot more than he cared to admit. But he knew how Grae's temper could be, what his sore spots were through watching and observing him. Of all the times to accidentally provoke him, the time when his dick was in his ass was _really_ not a good one. So he let it rest for now, decided to shut his own mind off and resign to the physical and carnal pleasures of sex.

Grae felt his mind white-out behind closed eyelids as Thanatos firmly brushed against his prostate, rolling his hips to buck into Thanatos' warm and tight fist wrapped around his dick as he came. His chest gently heaved with heavy breaths as he composed himself, but he was confused when he noticed that he didn't feel Thanatos' face in the crook of his neck... Or both hands grabbing his hips as usual to hold him flush.

He also felt liquid dripping onto his left collarbone, but didn't quite have the energy required to open his eyes and look to investigate the cause. It wasn't hurting him, no need for panic. He softly, brokenly moaned when he felt a large amount of warmth settling in his lower abdomen, no doubt Thanatos' release coating his insides. He grimaced a bit, they hadn't used any form of protection this time, had they...?

Well, that was one druid getting thrown into the nearest infirmary for a good health check tomorrow morning.

When he had at least slightly caught his breath better, his glacier eyes fluttered open to see... Red? Why was there blood dripping onto his collarbone and chest? Suddenly much more alert, he jerked his head to look at his bed partner, who had his teeth sunk a decent way into his forearm, rivulets of crimson dripping down. Grae tried to sit up hastily to tend to Thanatos, but ultimately failed due to the coupled reasons of his body being the elf equivalent of gelatin, and the warm druid holding him down with his uninjured arm.

“Thanatos, Gods pray tell, what have you done--?!”

“It couldn't have been the junction of your neck and shoulder.”

“... Huh?” For once, Grae was dumbfounded. What did he mean? Thanatos had, of course, already removed his arm from his jaws, gingerly resting it on the bed. He stared silently, briefly, probably making a mental note to scrub out the blood so as to not be question by the inn owner come morn. Amber orbs flickered to the snow elf under him.

As he shifted a bit, Thanatos also grimaced a bit and decided to pull out. Both of them shuddered at the action, Thanatos at least having to quickly stomp out his libido trying to revive itself from the brief stimulation. Fuck rabbit-like tendencies. “When I came, I got the... Putting it bluntly, overwhelming urge to bite your shoulder. I, um, I know that wouldn't end well, and that's putting it nicely with a big and flowery bouquet on top. I've seen how you act. So... I had to redirect my bite... Closest thing was my forearm.”

… Was Thanatos externally _nervous_? Something was off. This wasn't common. And what he said, it explained the obvious sight... That didn't explain it all though.

“... The consideration is duly noted and highly appreciated, however, that only answers only the 'what' and not the 'why'.”

The quiet cough that followed made Grae experience some minor anxiety of his own. Thanatos sat back on his haunches and seemed to be looking everywhere _but_ Grae. Why? “That's... That's a, kind of, um, that's a family thing of mine that I, uh, never really got to learn of from my actual family. It's not a chibido thing, like, just my family--”

“Yes, Thanatos, I understand, continue please.”

The druid flinched, which simply made Grae's stare become cooler. Was it this bad? Grae was beginning to retrace his steps and wonder if he made a mistake upon contacting Thanatos tonight.

“... It's a mating thing. Not a casual sex thing, like, an actual _mating_ thing, and I never knew about it until my twin brother—uhm, you remember Sinclair, right? Yeah, he told me about it when he met some other dude and it happened. It's never, uh... Never happened with me before, as you know since we've been kind of having sex for a while? And I never, ah, I, uhm, I never had the urge until now, which was weird--”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, please, your anxious babbling isn't helping me sort out your explanation,” Grae snipped, placing his fingers on his temples and failing to note the confused and aggravated look Thanatos shot him in response. Excuse him? Was he just not allowed to be nervous, was that such a issue? Thanatos felt an annoyed ember spark and a small torrent of flames ignite inside him. No, no. Keep your fucking temper down, Thanatos. This isn't the time.

“You nearly biting me was a sort of _mating ritual_? You nearly bit me out of wanting to mate me, correct?” Grae asked as he propped himself up and sat up, voice terse and stiff. Thanatos swallowed thickly, trying to choose and pick his words very carefully. He had to be smart about this, in the name of both being sensitive to Grae and his temper.

“I mean,” Thanatos cut himself off, knowing that wasn't a good start, “... Yes, you're right, _but hear me out Grae!_ I didn't do it, I mean, as soon as I got the urge, I bit my arm. Doesn't that—doesn't that count for something? I know how that would fall back on you, I've known from the start—And, and I wanted to keep that from happening. I know what this was supposed to be for both of us, and I didn't want it to change, so I kept it from happening. Isn't that a good thing?”

“... But it's already changed, _you fool_.”

“... Haha, uhm, okay, I obviously didn't hear you right, Earl Grae. Come again?” Thanatos said, hesitance actually clear in his voice. If he had actual rabbit ears upon his head, they'd be moving to lay flat about now in uncertainty and... Fear. Thanatos— _scared_? Anxiety, sure, but actual fear? Put it back. Put it back where it came from, right-fucking-now.

Grae had already made swift work of cleaning the blood off of his person. He grabbed a nearby light blue silken robe he had brought with him, slipping it on and standing himself up. After steadying himself, he tied it and walked across the room, causing Thanatos' breathing to get stuck in his throat. His fear morphed into something, something that was so brief it was indistinguishable, because it swiftly morphed into pure anger as Grae gathered his things and clothed himself more.

“What're you doing, Grae? Fucking leaving? What kind of shit are you pulling here, what were you talking about?! What changed-!?”

“ ** _It's not the same anymore!_** ” Grae said harshly, _loudly_. The window frames buckled on their hinges, the wind blew the dust across the room, shards of ice from the outside winter storm tapped and smacked against the glass of the window. Thanatos was taken aback, stunned silent momentarily. Grae inhaled shakily, looking to Thanatos with an expression he couldn't read because he hadn't ever seen it on Grae's face before. “There's strings attached now, Thanatos. This isn't the deal we initially had. It needs to end, now.”

“... So, what-- I can't--”

“Tell Sinclair something came up with my family, I know he wouldn't take a fight between us well. I did enjoy his company... As for the tomes I lent him, I hardly think their absence will be noted, I can purchase new ones to replace them. Don't contact me, don't think of contacting me, I don't want even so much as hear the first breath of your name around here. Understand?” Grae demanded.

“Wait,” Thanatos rasped, desperately back-paddling and reaching for straws, “Grae, wait, what can--”

“ ** _Do you. Understand. Thanatos?_** ”

Something about Grae's tone of voice... The way he sounded so biting and hateful, so much like others in the past. Thanatos stared at him with wide, watery, pleading yellow pools. Lips parted, Thanatos barely inhaled, a shaky protest dying on his lips before it could even start to pass. He slowly craned his head to look to the floor, heavy and fat teardrops plopping onto the floorboards.

“... I understand.” Thanatos said, voice thick and broken.

“Thank you. Good night, Thanatos.” The door slammed, and despite the fact Grae had left, the room seemed to get even colder than it already was. As Thanatos sat there, body heavily trembling and all of his organs seemingly bunched in his diaphragm, it took him a great deal of minutes before he finally crumpled in and broke down. It felt like numerous eternities before it happened. His sobs were loud and unrestrained, more like broken wails and borderline screams. He knew people could hear him, he also assumed no one came to check because they likely assumed some newcomer got drunk off his ass to drown in his sorrows. Part of the assumption would be correct in a sense. Thanatos curled further into himself, fingers sliding into his hair, grabbing tightly but going no further than that. He hadn't cried in years, genuinely didn't see much reason to let things get to him that much.

This got to him that much, and also about tenfold.

The previous, indistinguishable and fleeting emotion from before was overwhelming anguish. He lost Grae, tried to keep things okay, but fucked it all up in the end. It wasn't very surprising when he thought about it that way. Thanatos needed to leave. Go home. Sinclair would help him. He couldn't sleep in a room where the man he realized he loved told him to never so much as breathe his name again. It would be the death of him. Forcing his composure back into his being, Thanatos swallowed his organs back down and stood, trying not to linger on the fact he was physically freezing for the first time in at least ten years.

He weakly grasped his windbreaker and scarf, and walked downstairs and out of the pub without so much as draping the articles of clothing over his person.

– – – – –

He woke up to being face-planted in the grass and a chipmunk inspecting his face awful close as Sinclair was screaming his name. Thanatos was briefly confused, but upon memories almost instantaneously flooding back into his brain, he looked back towards the dirt as the chipmunk scooted over to allow Sinclair room to kneel down to his older twin.

“Thanatos, what happened?!” Sinclair cried distressingly, and Thanatos could hardly feel him gingerly picking up his hand and inspecting it, turning it over in his own. “Your hands are blue and frostbitten, brother!! You weren't supposed to be back until this late afternoon or evening... Did something happen...?”

“... side...” Thanatos croaked, throat dry and parched. “Inside, 'Clair...”

Sinclair stared at him as firmly as his own twin could, before softly sighing and nodding at the usage of his childhood nickname, helping Thanatos up. He grunted, as his bigger and older brother was heavier than he, assisting him into their home inside their rather large oak tree. He unceremoniously dropped Thanatos onto the sofa a bit too roughly, frantically apologizing when he noticed the violet-haired twin wincing. The platinum blond twin paused, thinking over what all should be done. Sinclair was used to Thanatos coming home thoroughly run through the ringer, but being frostbit was new for him, as they both weren't fond of the cold.

Tapping his chin lightly, Sinclair hummed, deciding on calling for help.

“Nevaeh, dearest, could you please come down here?” he chimed up the staircase, smiled gently when a tall man with snow white hair and crimson eyes began his descent down. The pale skinned man raised an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side.

“Yes, lovely?” He asked softly, his voice being soft yet large and harmonious at the same time, and the sound of it made Thanatos grimace and screw his eyes shut, looking away and swallowing the urge to cry again. No. No, no. Not again. Fuck that. Especially not in front of his brother and one of his two mates. Sinclair noticed and immediately reached out, gingerly petting Thanatos' hair and leaning down to sit next to him, trying to ease his distress even a little. Nevaeh noticed, but his expression changed little to none, gauging the situation, probably.

“Could you get us a couple of drinks and make Thanatos a coffee, as well...? And make him a small bite to eat, perhaps more bland and bread-based for his likely upset tummy? Put some meat on it, though, or it'll be more of a hassle than I care to admit feeding my brother.”

Sinclair's light giggle lightened the mood, and as it always was, probably the room, too. That's just who Thanatos' little brother was. Nevaeh smiled slightly, Thanatos relaxing as Sinclair gently cupped his head and rested it against his chest, continuing to stroke his cheek with his thumb and pet his hair.

“Of course, love. I'll try to be swift, ask me for anything else should you need me,” Nevaeh responded softly, unable how to accommodate the fact his voice was obviously upsetting Thanatos. It was likely something unable to be helped, and so he just walked into their kitchen to do as requested.

After they were left to be alone, Sinclair used the hand that was stroking Thanatos' cheek to once again gently grip his frostbitten fingers, inspecting his hands. “Did you even bundle up, Thanatos? It doesn't even look like you tried. Why didn't you warm yourself up...?”

“... Couldn't.” Couldn't?

Sinclair blinked dumbly. “... You... Couldn't, Thanatos? Did... Someone use a magick blocker on you, or--”

“M'body got cold and I couldn't warm it back up. Didn't care to use m'windbreaker and scarf. Doesn't fuckin' matter anymore. Jus' leave it be, 'Clair. An' sorry t'break it t'you, but Grae isn't gonna be seein' us an'more. He says you can keep those tomes he lent you, though. He can replace 'em, s'no big deal. Sorry, Sin. I fucked up, as usual. He's gone, I went an' did it, I fucked up, and Grae isn't h... Grae l... Grae isn't... He isn't... Isn't here... He left... ”

Sinclair froze as he watched Thanatos, his strong protector and unbreakable shield finally crumble. Stutter, stumble, repeat like a malfunctioning recording, and finally break. There were very few times in his life he remembered seeing Thanatos cry, and even _combined_ they were nothing like this experience. This was no minor issue.

As Thanatos began to weakly sob and brokenly wail into his chest, Sinclair looked up to see Nevaeh, who stood in the walkway of the kitchen, holding Thanatos' coffee and food. Crimson pools locked with bubblegum pink, and the nephilim valkrym frowned sadly as he saw tears well up in Sinclair's own eyes. They were small, sympathetic rivulets running down lightly tanned cheeks. There was a pause, the only sound being Thanatos' sniffling and crying, with the occasional tiny and pathetic incoherent beg for Grae to come back. Sinclair's eyes saddened even more.

“Please help him,” Sinclair mouthed silently, hugging Thanatos tight as if it'd somehow adhere the shattered emotional pieces back together. When Nevaeh nodded in response and gently sat the coffee and food on the table aside the two glasses of water, Sinclair rested his head on Thanatos' back, curling over his older brother and soothing him into a fitful rest. Once Thanatos was unconscious, Sinclair tried to slide out from under him and get to tending to his injuries. While concerning and not minor, the frostbite didn't ultimately kill his fingers and hands.

Sinclair could save those, and he was going to try to fix this situation if it was the last thing he did. He never saw Thanatos even remotely so distraught. He was sure his brother finally found love in someone, and he watched Grae's responding interactions. There was no way they weren't reciprocated, there was a different issue that Grae felt as though he couldn't follow through with being with his brother. After all, he wasn't stupid. He saw that deep bite on Thanatos' forearm as well. And he healed that, as well. Reminders to help dwell on the past were not needed, especially for Thanatos, of all people.

After tucking Thanatos in and casting some magick to help kick start his body into warming itself again, Sinclair composed himself and made his way upstairs to speak with one of his two lovers, Nevaeh. He closed the bedroom door behind him, making the click as soft as he could. He knew Thanatos when he slept fitfully, even the tiniest noises could startle him awake. Thanatos needed rest, actual sleep. Deserved it, after everything that seemed to have happened...

Sinclair turned to his nephilim lover, absent-mindedly fiddling with a string on his shirt as he walked over to their large bed and sat. He sighed and looked into his eyes, frowning. “... What do you propose we do...? Knowing my brother, he's going to wake up, neglect his food, hardly touch his drinks, and entirely isolate in his room... I'm extremely concerned, I've never seen him this...”

“Distressed?” Nevaeh offered to finish, reaching a hand out and rubbing his chibido lover's tense shoulders. Sinclair made a small noise of appreciation, but shook his head nonetheless.

“... Destroyed would be more accurate, I think,” the blond sighed, chewing his lower lip thoughtfully.

Nevaeh made a noise of acknowledgment, nodding a bit and looking to the ceiling, pulling Sinclair into his side for a half-embrace. The nephilim had dabbled in noble affairs in the past after burying his name in mercilessly butchered prophecies, he could probably pull on an old identity for a whirl and weasel his way in... It was worth a shot if nothing else, his charisma and intelligence typically played hand in hand for situations _just_ like these. It was with that Nevaeh made a noise of confirmation, looking down to his smaller chibido lover and pressing a tender kiss to the crown of his head. He gently squeezed in his embrace.

“I do believe I have a plan of sorts, but I need you to work with me and just trust me on this one. Is that okay to ask, darling?”

Sinclair paused and there was a bit of a silence as he thought, eventually he nodded. “Yeah, I think I'd be fine with that. You know what I'd definitely not be okay with, and I trust you not to breach my boundaries, so... Sure, go ahead. Karma and I can handle Thanatos, I'm pretty sure of it. Just... Be careful, okay, Nevaeh? What I've heard of Grae's family, they... Really don't cut any corners.”

Nevaeh smirked, a low chuckle rumbling his chest. “Well, well. Perhaps for once I'll be on a level playing field, then.”

Sinclair blinked once, twice, dumbfounded before smiling in a silly and love struck fashion. He just responded by cupping Nevaeh's face and giving him a large, passionate kiss on the lips. “I love you!”

– – – – –

Fast forward a week, and Thanatos did more or less exactly as Sinclair projected. The entire week he had locked himself into his room, hardly breathing word to anyone, barely a flicker of heat being felt outside his door. That in and of itself was enough to worry the blond chibido twin, but everyone else knew as well as Sinclair did that no amount of persuasion would change the situation.

And no amount of action would break through the enchantments he placed on his door. Perhaps from Nevaeh, but he had departed for his own course of action, and so he wasn't present to assist them. Sinclair just hoped he was eating and drinking, especially with how weak the kindling of his older brother's spirit felt... Or, on the contrary, did _not_ feel.

It was the eve of the sixth night of Nevaeh's absence, and Sinclair was uneasy in his own right. Karma was out of the house for a brief mission, trying to rake in some coin for the household (so he worded it, Sinclair was almost positive there was more to it, but Karma always chuckled and gave him a wink in response with nothing more), and wouldn't be back for at least a couple more nights. With Thanatos so isolated he was basically gone in his own way, Sinclair felt... Very alone. Scared. It felt like the time Thanatos got mixed up with a really nasty bard who did some... Less than lucrative things and was awful to his older twin at _best_. A prime reason Thanatos was so fiery and... Guarded. _Guarded_ , Sinclair never liked to used words such as damaged.

' _My brother isn't broken..._ '

Suddenly there was lively chatter from a familiar voice approaching the door outside, causing the smaller chibido to heavily perk up and lean forward onto his knees. If he had a tail, it'd be wagging a mile a minute. Nevaeh...!! But then a moment of confusion—who would he be talking to-? He didn't have much time to wonder, for the front door opened and Nevaeh welcomed in none other than Grae, walking in behind him and closing the door. Quickly, silently locking it behind him, and using his much larger frame to proceed to block the door and its frame. As soon as Sinclair saw Nevaeh just as silently remove the 'smokescreen' they called over his large, feathery wings whilst Grae was distracted...

' _It's a precautionary measure, Sinclair, don't worry..._ '

“Nevaeh, darling, you're finally home!” Sinclair chimed, jumping up and happily clasping his hands together. Grae spun around, making eye contact with an _exceedingly_ apologetic seeming Sinclair. After what was likely about half a second of tense silence that felt like fifty years, Grae made quick work of turning to leave, until he damn near ran into... Large, feathery, scarred black and angelic wings. A pleasant yet equally warning smile with unreadable crimson eyes peered straight through Grae's being, making him exceedingly uncomfortable as his gaze had back at his home. How in the absolute _fuck_ —

“I do recommend you comply,” Nevaeh said, voice dripping with liquefied sugar and honey. Grae's expression visibly darkened, fingers twitching, trying to size up and analyze the situation for an escape route. “I can tell you any and all plans you will formulate and how each and every one will end. My truth exposes now, and here it shall stay, I'm sure you yourself will want that after this encounter. I am a nephilim valkrym, sir Grae, and a very formidable one I've been told, at that. As you know, I am one of Sinclair's two mates, and as such, Thanatos is a very close loved one of mine. Just as much of my brother as Sinclair's.

“Word has passed that you two had a bit of a, ahem, _lover's spat_ , if I may--” Shut up, don't fucking say those things that'll make his chest do those foreign things again, **_shut up_**! He doesn't have lover's spats with anyone because he doesn't have a lover! “--and I think you'll find it'll benefit you both if you actually _talked_.”

“Oh?” Grae hissed softly, laughing bitterly. “I'm sure Thanatos has been doing wonderfully without me, knowing him he--”

“If you say what I think you're about to, you don't know my brother after all, Grae,” Sinclair said, surprisingly sternly. It decently surprised the nephilim and snow elf, both of them looking to the smaller man in the room, Nevaeh giving a more genuine and supportive smile. Always for Thanatos, now, if only Sinclair could do it for himself... “If you need to know, I found my older brother unconscious and face down in our yard the morning after, hands frostbitten and freezing. Have you noticed at all it isn't so warm in here? Thanatos is about eighty percent of the reason it's so toasty anywhere we're at, I'm not _nearly_ as good as Thanatos with raising and regulating my body temperature.

“It's been a fight at any given time this week to make him keep himself warm because you just entirely put his fire out with... With whatever you did, Grae! I don't know what happened, I have a few ideas of what possibly caused it, but... While I'm sure pushing my brother away was your entire intent, I don't think you realized how horribly you hurt him!! The man who's been locked up in his room for the past week, barring himself in with enchantments and refusing to really eat or drink isn't my brother, that's just a shell of him! I want my brother back, Grae, and from what I could tell, you wouldn't have just wanted to do this on a whim.

“I'm not saying you guys have to find a way to get together and be all happy and whatever you would end up doing... That's—I'm not asking for a specific end goal. Gods, just—Please bring me my brother back, Grae, I miss him!! I don't understand why, otherwise, this happened! You guys seemed so happy together, you had eyes for each other, I just--”

“ ** _What the fuck is going on--_** ” an exhausted, scratchy growl came from the top of the staircase, causing everyone to stop in their tracks. Nevaeh and Sinclair froze and looked to the top of the staircase to see an extremely disheveled and agitated Thanatos. More pallid and... Sinclair visibly blanched at all the bruises and injuries littering the older man's tanned body. And while Grae was also looking, more specifically making direct eye contact with Thanatos, he was simultaneously processing everything the silvery blond haired chibido had said. He was going to question if it was apparently so true, but with the evidence so plainly in front of him... 

“ ** _Oho? You're back, huh? Wanted to verbally kick me down more? I got everything you said the first time, don't fucking worry. I don't need more of your incessant lecturing, Grae. I got the point, I learned what you had intended to tell me. You can fucking leave and take your chilly words with you, okay? I don't want it. Good-fucking-bye._** ”

“A-actually,” Sinclair started, swallowing down the rock that had formed in his throat. He never wanted to revisit this place. He never wanted this again, he hated this minefield and blindfolded battle zone. “We had brought Grae here, t-to speak with you.”

“ ** _Speak with me?!_** ” Thanatos roared and spun to face his twin, and suddenly the room's temperature was kicked up a couple notches or four. Grae curled into himself out of natural discomfort, already way too intensely hot but unable to leave. Nevaeh encroached ever so slightly more in Grae's space, softly murmuring a cantrip to cool the immediate area and soothe the snow elf's intense discomfort in the area. Grae paused, distrusting, but when Nevaeh looked down to him, large and billowing wings gone and eyes calm and open... Something told him to just trust him. He murmured an offer of thanks.

Thanatos' signature purple flames began to spark, erratically so likely from being unused and snuffed out for days on end. Sinclair's eyes widened in panic and all he could think about was getting his brother outside before their entire house went up in an inferno. He would rather avoid the forest, but if he could salvage the most important from the fallout... He could recover the forest. Sinclair screwed his eyes shut, feeling the guilt already twist his guts... And he inhaled. He could only thank God for previous trauma in some sick, messed up way.

“Fine, yeah!” Sinclair locked eyes with Thanatos, trying to withhold his shakiness. “I knew how you were doing and brought Grae here anyway! I didn't care how you were doing or what you thought about the idea, I--” his voice was already getting choked up, he couldn't start crying during this... Deep, sharp inhale.

“--I wanted to try it anyway, figured it was worth a shot! You weren't coming out anyway, your lazy bum was locked up in your room for the past week, so what does it matter, Thanatos!? You're acting so childish, I can't believe you!!”

Grae simultaneously understood the likely reasoning for Sinclair's approach, yet also was just as stunned he even did it. As Nevaeh swiftly unlocked the front door and swept himself and Grae out of the way of the chibido twins, flames billowing through like hellfire... The nephilim's chest was lightly heaving from slightly labored breathing.

“Apologies, I do hope I didn't injure you or muss up your clothing...” Nevaeh looked down to the warlock, unwrapping his wings from around them and shaking them clean of the ashes Thanatos left his wake. Grae took a second before starting to move, noticing the living room was almost untouched... There were some minor scorch marks.

“I... Honestly can't believe Sinclair did that,” Grae mused. “He doesn't seem the type.”

The silence as a response had him looking to Nevaeh. Nevaeh had a far away look in his eyes, and when he looked to Grae, it was still a decent part there. It sent a new wave of a different uneasiness through Grae. “... Let us just say this isn't Sinclair's first time doing this type of run around with Thanatos. He knows the territory decently well. … I came into the picture about that time.”

Grae and Nevaeh stared at each other for a while, the information sinking in. Today—tonight—had already been enough so much out of Grae's norm that the information needed a second to sink in and process. “... I believe I understand--”

About that time, there was a large explosion outside, bathing the inside of the twins' house in a blanket of light. It dimmed some, but obviously there was _something_ lit aflame, because it hardly dimmed at all. Nevaeh jolted upright, staring at the fire bathing them in light. “SINCLAIR!”

He rushed outside as fast as he could, leaving Grae in the house by himself for a moment. The snow elf stared, watching purple and cyan flames dancing in the vegetation, some orange tossed in where magick wasn't involved. He redirected his gaze to the floor, thinking. He was in here entirely alone. The entire point of his previous attempt was to cut ties, so leaving now would still do that, even if messier than before... But, while isolated, he wasn't fucking heartless. And he admittedly wasn't actually aware it caused this deep of an injury.

' _Thanatos... Really felt this way, hm? I did this..._ '

In a sense, having accountability forced on him was his own way of having a bucket of cold water dumped on him—except that bucket was filled with warm or hot water instead of cold water, for... Well, obvious reasons. And so, having examined all of the details of the situation, Grae sighed heavily and stood up to walk outside towards the forest. Time to go get his hellaciously hot-headed rabbit, then.

He also conveniently ignored that last thought making his heart flutter.

– – – – –

When he walked outside, it was the most intense heat he'd ever felt thus far, which astounded him given how long he'd associated with Thanatos. If he'd only been dancing with flames before, now he had been thrown straight into the boiling pot of _oil_. But he had an even stronger resolve, and so Grae could swallow down the discomfort and borderline pain. He could withstand the hellfire, he could ignore it all, if not to fix this situation... Then to soothe Thanatos. He could do this. He finally had someone...

Something about that thought felt like a dagger through the heart, but Grae couldn't place if it was entirely in a bad way. He pressed through the violently burning shrubbery and the scattering wildlife. He heard wildly beating wings (likely Nevaeh), followed by a thunderous cry. That made Grae bolt towards the nearby clearing, despite his... Not-quite-so-athletic background. His lungs screamed, begged for a pause through the ashes and oxygen-deprivation, but it wasn't possible.

' _I have to get to them. I have to get to **him**._'

Sinclair was curled into Nevaeh's chest on one side of the pasture, shaking and crying as the nephilim's eyes were narrowed and facing towards the other side of the field. His wings continued to beat periodically to keep the dancing and hungry flames at bay, his aura and demeanor screaming protector. Grae frantically glanced around, but it took him little to no time to find Thanatos, knelt on the ground across the way... Clutching a lame left arm with a heavily bleeding gash.

“What in the-?!”

“He tried to directly attack Sinclair!” Nevaeh boomed, despite the fact his actual volume was not even that loud. It was befitting of the almost unearthly man, admittedly. “I wasn't going to just _let that happen_. I wasn't intending such a nasty gash, but I wasn't going to let any harm befall my beloved... I would never, for _any_ reason...”

The response was bitter, almost manic laughter that silenced everyone in seconds. Despite the raging flames, it chilled everyone, and even Sinclair flinched and was rendered to silent crying into Nevaeh's person. Everything went— _felt_ —still. Thanatos curled over into himself, his forehead almost coming into contact with the grass. Eventually his voice started to crack, and he looked up, amber eyes glistening and tears welling up in bloodshot eyes. If Grae didn't know better, he'd say the actual sight of Thanatos crying made his heart stop. His wailing back in the inn a week ago couldn't hold a candle to the sight before him now.

“Is this it?!” The rabbit cried out, hysterical, “Is this your guys' sick fucking attempt at a joke? _Is this **funny** to you all?_ Even to—to you, Sinclair, who I thought was the only FUCKING person I had to lean on unconditionally through thick and **FUCKING** thin? Is that it? Huh? _Huh?!_ C'mon, now! Answer me! At least give me that answer, it's the least you sick fucks could do, y'know! After everything that's happened to me!! Just give that—that one tiny, simple thing!!”

Sinclair flinched intensely with every shriek and emphasis, Nevaeh curling even more protectively around him. Grae could feel his mental processes trying to shut down, trying to switch to auto-pilot, and he was scrabbling to fight it. This couldn't be done on auto-pilot, that was how he'd fuck this up more. Sinclair was entirely right, this was the damage he'd caused... He did this by pushing Thanatos away, he had to fix this...

'Thanatos cared this much... Thanatos enjoyed being with me this much?'

' _I **mean** this much to someone?_'

It was that confused, newly forming thought that set Grae into action. Whilst Thanatos was begging for a response, his flames started to spark again. In this case, however, it was not a flaming spark... It was more of an explosion spark, which would be very not good, of course. Because, while Thanatos was excellent with managing actual flames, he was a legitimate hazard with explosions. Given Thanatos' emotional state, however... It was entirely likely he wasn't aware of what he was causing.

Nevaeh's eyes widened a bit, caution even creeping into his crimson pools. “Thanatos, wait...”

“Don't tell me to fucking wait!” Thanatos snapped, another large shower of sparks. Grae took a step forward, trying to be wary and not call attention to himself approaching. He was already relatively close, if he could just get close enough to touch Thanatos... It figured, however, that there was the ever cliché branch snapping under his foot, causing Thanatos' attention immediately snap to him. Ah, go figure. He had to admit, though, that teary glare kind of made his heart painfully clench. It didn't take long for that gaze to defensively harden.

“What the fuck do _you_ want, huh?” Thanatos spat venomously, breath hitching. He shook his head, body tensing as the tears eventually began to flow and his walls crumbled again. Thanatos couldn't keep his walls up, they were fake, he couldn't be pissed. He looked to the ground once more, body violently trembling as continued to cry. He couldn't be angry anymore, couldn't be pissed because _he was **distraught** , he was **hurt** , he—_

“ **If you're all just going to leave, then why won't you just leave me alone?!** ” Thanatos screamed at the top of his lungs, a sonic noise ringing through the air. It was shrill, it hurt like hell, everyone's eyes screwed shut in pain. Sinclair and Nevaeh instinctively covered their ears, and Grae flinched towards doing the same, but ultimately placed his palms outwards towards the ground and yelled out a cantrip that no one else heard, as the explosion came forth.

… And then everything was white.

When everyone opened their eyes, there were ice and snow left behind, the fires from before diminished and gone. There was ash. Both of the snow and ash fluttered to the ground, side by side, the ash closer the outer edges of the frozen areas, however. Charred wood, vegetation, and other such frozen specimens. The ice in the clearing stood as a form of a structure over everyone, but ultimately cocooned over Thanatos and Grae, who had been the cause of the explosion. So it made sense, in the end. Thanatos' forehead pressed into the grass, silently crying and body trembling. Grae stood over him, looking down at him solemnly. Sinclair had, at this point, fallen unconscious due to all of the high-stress and anxiety, resting against his lover's chest. Nevaeh stood, princess carrying his smaller lover and walking over to the older chibido and the elf.

“... You two... Need to sit down and talk,” Nevaeh said, the lightest amount of a tremor present in his voice. He was gathering his composure well, but it was obvious it was not quite back yet. “It is non-negotiable. You can rest for as long as you need. I will give the necessary messages to be forwarded, should any complications arise. But, by the end of this, you both will speak. And this will be fixed. Neither of you will back out. You will discuss this like men.”

And with that, the nephilim left to go back into the oak tree household. Grae sighed softly. It started in his shoulders, all of the energy draining from him and before he knew it he was slowly dropping to the ground to sit next to Thanatos. The crying eventually stopped, yet Thanatos remained hunched over on the grass, a curtain of dark purple hair hiding his face.

“You are aware that's going to kill your spine and neck, yes?” Grae spoke softly, not wanting to be too loud. Thanatos snorted softly, though it wasn't such a quality one due to all his screaming and crying. He slightly shook his head.

“Why d'you care...? Go 'way,” he croaked. “You already left once, you're only gonna leave again... Aren't you? Don't do this to me again... It hurt enough the first time. I tried... I tried to keep it from falling apart, but I fucked it up anyway... Nothing I do s'gonna be good enough, nothing I do is good enough. You said so yourself, it's already messed up...”

“Incorrect,” Grae gently chided, “I said it had already changed, that it wasn't the same. I had never said it had been messed up once. I never thought it had been messed up.”

Anxiety twisted in Grae's guts when silence followed, and what was probably seconds felt like an eternity. He nearly prodded at Thanatos to check on him for _any_ sort of response, but as his lips parted, the rabbit looked at him. And when they made eye contact, the amber orbs that locked with silver were filled with pleading pain. It looked like an emotional firestorm in those eyes.

“... Then why did you leave?” Thanatos croaked brokenly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Twitter @/decayed_druid and my art Instagram is @/decayeddruid! I also have a nice piece of art of Thanatos on there, if you'd like to go see him. It's currently my pride and joy, so please do check it out!


	3. (iii.) goodnight, paranoia.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grae finally takes on some responsibility, and Thanatos has some personal revelations. They finally come back together, and some communication finally occurs. The healing can finally properly begin, and things can begin to patch themselves up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY, AN EASIER GOING CHAPTER! Ayyy! I'm also gonna have the next few chapters be less plot-heavy and more easy-going, probably. I got hyperfixated on this story, so I also do need to _implore_ that no one gets used to these large and often updates. Mental illness and sudden loss of muse is common with me (also see: King and Lionheart), so while I have the drive and desire to work on something, I just can't bring myself to type the words on my documents sometimes. I'll be writing as much, for as long, as I can--but please do bear with me if I suddenly fall off the wagon.
> 
> Having said this, while this does have a decent bit of angst, the ending gets sweeter and easier on the heartstrings, and I hope it helps soothe after... Literally all the previous pain from before now, haha! Also major plot point with Grae, which will not be left alone after this (so while it's big, and very sudden, I assure you it isn't out of character despite it probably seeming the opposite). He has a very long, painful, _festering_ history with what you're about to find out... So! :) Time to get started.~

_“... Then why did you leave?” Thanatos croaked brokenly._

Grae couldn't reply immediately, or even minutes after. He swallowed thickly. He broke eye contact, unable to keep seeing those pleading eyes, looking to the snow and ash covered ground.

“... I promise I'll tell you when this all calms down. We need to go back. But you do deserve an explanation. Again, I... I promise, Thanatos. I won't leave until you know everything.”

“... But you'll still leave,” Thanatos muttered, shakily trying to stand. Grae followed him, a bit more rushed since Thanatos' stature was clearly unstable and he seemed as though he'd fall any second. He reached towards the chibido's forearm, but Thanatos pulled away. He seemed so... Far away. Guarded again.

'Did I lose him?' Grae thought. He couldn't even try to ignore how his heartbeat grew panicked at that thought, his throat constricting. 'He seems so guarded. I don't... I don't know what to do.'

“I didn't say that—Didn't mean that. Perhaps my wording was bad, I... I don't... Want... To have to leave again. I don't want to leave you again. Please believe me, Thanatos,” Grae responded, almost pleadingly. Thanatos shot him a sharp, narrowed look as he remained silent. The elf's breath caught in his throat, almost feeling like it was building in his windpipe before the chibido turned away and started stumbling back to the oak tree housing. As he walked away, all of the wind seemed the come out at once. It hurt.

“I'm... Headed back. I dunno what you're doin',” Thanatos said, but it was clear without assistance he wouldn't make it. He began to falter, stumbling over his feet as he obviously got disoriented. Frowning, Grae quickly trailed after, gently taking an arm that was reaching out for leverage that wasn't there. Clearly the druid wasn't very sure how okay he was with it, but he also didn't have much of a choice, either. Grae had one hell of a time, but determination was his friend as he threw Thanatos' arm over his shoulders as they both hobbled back.

Thanatos hated how much he secretly welcomed and missed the chill of Grae's body. Approximately a week, give or take, had felt like years, and he could feel his chest ache from the yearning.

Why did things have to change...?

– – – – –

After everyone was inside and settled (or as much as they could be), Thanatos was once again in his room. But instead, this time, it was for genuine resting and recuperation. Not isolation. Nevaeh and Grae sat in the kitchen, at the dining room table. The snow elf would never tell you in a million years how intimidated the nephilim made him feel, but it was also pretty much shown in his posture, actions, and speech. It showed through anyway at least a tiny bit. The valkrym was a major feat. And you were admittedly stupid to _try_ and trifle with him.

Nevaeh steepled his fingers and leaned forward at the table, causing Grae to only feel that much more cornered. Sinclair was still unconscious, and Thanatos soon joined him after arriving at the household. He apparently barely ate or drank in the past week, and after unleashing all of... That...

… So it was just him and Nevaeh now.

“I guess I'll start with one thing,” Nevaeh hummed, “I already knew you three had to meet at a pub in Chrystalfeln. Meeting at your parents place of living or even where the nobility stayed wasn't an option, and even then, you had to wear your less flashy clothing. More commoner-appearing clothing, or as commoner as you could get, I suppose. You are decently up there in nobility. I figured it would just be an image thing regarding your social standing, however... Given the circumstances, _clearly_ that isn't all it is. Please explain it to one of us, Grae. If nothing else, it'll help you put it together before you have to tell it to the one that matters most. And messing that one up... Wouldn't be the wisest, if you want to stay with him.”

Grae bit his lip. Why did Nevaeh have to be so _goddamn right_ all the time? He broke eye contact, looking out the kitchen window to the outside scenery to ignore how vulnerable those crimson eyes made him feel. He couldn't, sadly, procrastinate the answer. The answer that felt like bubbling acid inside of his throat, pooling up and spilling from his lips as he hesitantly faced Nevaeh again. That did not mean he made eye contact again, however. It felt like two pairs of hands were wrapping around his throat as he tried to speak, one of them having their fingers work their way around the entire circumference of his neck, and the other pair not caring in favor of trying to crush his windpipe. He tried to press on nonetheless. He couldn't let them stop him.

Couldn't let them ruin the _one good thing_ he had in his life. This was the one thing, if there was nothing else, he was never supposed to do under **any** circumstances. But he was tired of being abused and forced into submission. He wanted something for _himself_ for once. He didn't know quite what this was yet, but Grae knew, knew without a doubt... That he didn't want to lose it. He also had to claim responsibility for all he had done. He'd caused so much pain, and didn't even know it until now.

… Did people in the past react like this, too?

“Well,” he croaked, voice cracking. He cleared his throat as he paused, trying to have himself sound more dignified as a noble, “While I am most certainly entirely a Yalanthil by name, I... Am not entirely by blood. I... I'm a bastard child. … My father is... Was. One of the help. And, ah... Ah.”

Nevaeh stood, swiftly but silently, and made his way over to Grae. He knelt down to Grae, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. He could already see his eyes glazing over, and neither of them could have really have deal with an onslaught of trauma at the moment. As he sat with Grae, trying to soothe the elf out of his near episode, he just hoped he'd be able to help Grae prepare this for Thanatos. … And that Thanatos would have a proper reaction.

– – – – –

{[ Running. He'd been running for _so_ long. His lungs were shriveled up and dried, disintegrating from their intense need for oxygen, but he couldn't stop. He watched that thing kill Olivier. And their ranger party member, Lazarus, as well. Encased in a wall of shadows, but all he had to see were the _clearly_ disproportionate arms to know that thing was nasty and not to be fucked with. He, Grae, and Hana had to run. And run they did.

He stayed to the back, only if for Grae and Hana. While none of them could fight this abomination off, and none of them were even going to **try** , Thanatos would try to keep it at bay for them. In these caves, for some reason, Grae gave him such scorn again. It was confusing, and scary, Thanatos almost felt his throat immediately close up. But before he could act out again, he realized they were with their party. Olivier, Hana, and Lazarus...

' _We haven't had contact with them since our mission finished out. This has to be some kind of nightmare, I guess. A Grae from before we started to get closer... So of course he hates me._ '

It was at a point while running that Thanatos had slightly tripped up, and whatever creature was pursuing them seemed to take its chance. It took a large, skinny and bony hand and slammed down, crushing down on Thanatos' lower back. And, by obvious extension, his legs. Thanatos roared in pain, trying to blast and pull his way out of the grasp, but the shadows were crawling _up, up, up_ and consuming him. He didn't like that, it needed to _stop_ , it **had** to stop, he had to go back to Sinclair-! He couldn't just die on the one person he didn't fail in his life... Who _relied_ on him-

“Thanatos!” a voice screamed at him and he turned his head, seeing a frantic Grae, holding out a hand for the rabbit to reach out and take. And fuck, did the druid try. He tried so goddamn hard, stretching and pulling. And yet, still, the shadows consumed, ate his body up. Half way up his abdomen now, starting to feel like bugs were crawling over and _inside_ every inch of his being, and it was about then that Thanatos figured he wasn't going to make it. He had to just let go. When he finally made it to Grae's hand, he just gave him a tagging high-five. The snow elf looked a mixture of confused, hurt, and offended.

At this point, the shadows were up and over his shoulders, making their way up his neck. “I'm not gonna make it, jus' take Hana and go!”

“But-” Suddenly a face that looked more like the current Grae, and Thanatos wasn't so sure he could keep that stance anymore. “... I—”

“GO!” Thanatos screamed, before everything in his line of vision became black. … He really hoped Grae did run. Knowing him, he did. But he did have lapses of stupidity. He would be okay if Grae and Hana got out alive. Sinclair still had Nevaeh and Karma. He'd make it without his older brother. He'd eventually move on... Enough, anyway.

… And suddenly he could open his eyes? When he did, though, he really wished he did not. All four party members' deceased bodies strewn carelessly in front of him. Part of Thanatos was trying to shut down out of pure stress, and the rest was trying to panic.

The former won until he got to Grae. He was just selfish and awful like that.

Of course Grae's eyes _had_ to be open. But all of the party members' bodies had their eyes open, Thanatos did notice that. His silver eyes were empty, truly a doll's eyes. His long, normally sleek and shiny hair was messily sticking out of it's braid, just splayed out under him like it was hay in a barn. He laid on his back, arms out and laying up next to his head. His legs were stuck up a bit at the knees. It looked like he was knocked back. There was no sign of injury except small amounts of smeared blood coming from his lips. It looked like someone had strangled him.

When he saw Grae, the chibido let out the tiniest, most pathetic laugh. He dropped to his knees, tears welling up in his own eyes. He started to tremble, feeling himself begin to shift. Inevitably, a small black and grey-flecked bunny slowly and gingerly hopped up to the deceased snow elf, plopping down next to his side. Still trembling like a leaf, the rabbit closed its amber eyes, the fur under its eyes damp with tears.

' _When will my chest stop feeling like its been put in a vice...? I just want to be happy with you again, Grae. I don't know if I'm glad everything came to this or not. If I knew it all would have come to this, would I have still comforted you back then...? Current me says yes, but I know past me. He would've let it all burn. I don't... Think I can let this all burn anymore..._ ' ]}

– – – – –

Suddenly Thanatos jolted up, awake and all too alert. His chest heaved with heavy breaths, clutching the sheets in a vice grip. His skin felt _disgusting_ , sticky with a cold sweat and emotions made into residue he felt like he needed to scrub off his skin. His eyes were wide with fright and it didn't help when a pale hand gently scooted on his bed towards him. He jerked his head up, unsure whether to be comforted or upset by the fact it was Grae.

' _… It wasn't a dream? None of that was a dream. He's here. He... Grae..._ '

“... You were tossing and turning a lot,” Grae mumbled, oddly quiet and withdrawn. “Were you having a nightmare?”

“...” Everything in Thanatos' being was telling him to push him away. _He did it to you, so clearly you should do it back. Show him how it feels. Show him that he doesn't get to do this shit to you without payback._ … But Thanatos was tired of payback. He was tired of conflict and fighting. It was going to be hard, but he had to push back. He couldn't keep at this warring. “... Yeah. Yeah, it was a nightmare.”

“I'm... I'm sorry,” Grae said, though it didn't seem he was apologizing for the nightmare. Thanatos didn't question it, nor desired to. He shrugged weakly, loosening his grip on the sheets and swallowing forcefully. It hurt. It felt like his throat had turned into a desert. He slid his hand away from the elf's, just electing to pull his knees to his chest and kind of curl up slightly altogether. Grae stared at him, a minor mixture of confusion and... Hurt? On his face, before looking away. The Thanatos from before would have barely, if at all, caught it.

' _But I saw it clear as day. You were hurt by that, weren't you, Grae? Why?_ '

Resting his chin on his knees, Thanatos felt all too fragile. And he hated every bit of it. He was _Thanatos_ ; big, strong, ferocious, fiery Thanatos. No one fucked with him and came back to tell the tale. Happily, if they came back. He made sure of that. He didn't want anyone to have the pleasure of hurting him again. After the first time... That couldn't happen again. That was a different him, one he hated and scorned. One he never wanted to visit again.

' _It doesn't matter what I want or wanted, though. Because I am exactly right back in that spot. This isn't me being strong. I'm just trying to salvage what I can. … Is there anything left even...?_ '

Grae shifted on the bed, pulling his hands into his lap and picking at his fingers nervously. This wasn't either of their fortes. They weren't empathetic words and apologies, they were venomous spitfire and vitriol. They hadn't properly learned the definition of tact or what considering someone else's side was. Thanatos couldn't even always do that with Sinclair. That's how he got hurt the first time and nearly lost his little twin brother. If he couldn't have fixed that, who would've known...

The elf coughed, breaking the tense and anxious silence. Thanatos quickly lifted his head, Grae flinching at his swift movement. He seemed awfully skittish... “... You... You really did try. And I... I didn't... I had just... Despite it all...”

“You're having an awfully hard time talking, Grae. Rabbit got your tongue?” Thanatos tried to snidely joke, but they could both hear it fall flat. He was so damn transparent, and no one could be fooled anymore. But it was ingrained in Thanatos' system, he'd try to hide it until the curtain truly was pulled away to expose his pain and feelings. Grae weakly guffawed in response, his shoulders sagging further. He sighed heavily, the exhaustion becoming more plain in his features. He'd had some realizations at _least_ while Thanatos slept. It really showed. Thanatos frowned, looking to the door frame. The silence was so deafening, he hated it.

“... I really don't know what I did,” Thanatos rasped. “I did what I had to in an attempt to please you. I thought it was the best option. You never wanted marks in obvious places, and that.... Wouldn't have just been a mark. That would've had us tied together. You would have... You... It wouldn't have been the same as some run-of-the-mill hickey or bruise. It would've had a lot more gravity, and it wouldn't have been so easy to go back on. And I couldn't... Ever do that if you weren't okay with it. You were already so upset, and I just... I hope, maybe, if you knew I did it because for once I had you in mind. … Fuck, this entire thing began because I had you in mind, y'know? And then... You... Just...

"You got so... Angry. You were so distant, and cold isn't accurate enough to what you felt back there. It was like we were even further apart than when we first met. And it scared me. I tried to do something right to make someone else other than Sinclair happy, and I fucked up. I tried to do what I knew would've been better than the other option, which I _knew_ would have been such a very fatal error... And I was still the stupid fuck up who couldn't do a goddamn thing right. I tried anything I could. You just... It was like you'd go to any extent to just... Just... Throw me away. You looked at me like I was such an eyesore. Like everyone else always had. Like you used to. It hurt more than anything else I could remember registering in my entire life.

"I just wanted to make you happy. … And I still failed.”

“You didn't.” Grae nearly cut Thanatos off. The druid looked up, confused and lost. What? What else could it have been? Why else would have Grae acted like he did if he wasn't a major fuck up that night? Thanatos tilted his head, urging the snow elf to continue onward.

Grae swallowed thick, his body trembling clearly from anxiety. He barely, if ever, trembled out of being too frigid, so Thanatos knew better. He only watched him while he hung out with Sinclair at that pub for months. He could read the elf _somewhat_. Worrying his already worn raw lip, Grae exhaled shakily.

“... You... Didn't fail,” he started, “You did the opposite. I didn't... Didn't want to do it. It was the last thing I wanted to ever do. You have to believe me. P-please, Thanatos.”

His voice cracked towards the end, tears welling up a little. His eyes were tired, and they hurt, he was so tired of crying. Grae was just tired of this whole troublesome situation. Was it always this hard to talk about these things? This _exhausting_?

“You've made me very happy over this past year and few months. Exceedingly so. You have... Become someone I know I can reliably lean on. I didn't just go to you for... Er... Sexual encounters. I didn't know what to label it, and I didn't... I didn't want to, because I was simply a coward who didn't know what was happening and looking into it meant potentially getting into something I may not have been able to quite handle. And I couldn't stand the thought of that. This is new to me, it's... Foreign.

"I've never spent more than one night with someone I've slept with. When I have, I didn't typically stay the night with them. When I did, we _never_ shared beds. And I was adamant on that. It was uncomfortable. Intimate in ways I didn't like. But, from that night immediately, and after... I... Was confused, but tired and okay with it when I decided to just sleep in the same bed as you. And I slept so soundly, I had never remembered being so... Rejuvenated.

“And then when we kept talking more, and it was casual, and I didn't have to worry about keeping up _so many_ walls and barriers... I couldn't let it all down, but even casting some of it away... It... Was so liberating, I... Couldn't ever bring myself to regret letting myself do that. But my parents, they... They always told me, taught me, that these things are more trouble than what they're worth, and I wasn't supposed to let it get so far. So when I knew the attachment was created, I--I had to cut it off, and to do that, I...”

He could hear Thanatos shift uneasily. “... Make me hate you? Is that it?”

“Anything, as long as you never tried to get a hold of me again. I didn't know what the fallout would be, or what it would cause. But then Nevaeh arrived, though that isn't what he introduced himself as. He told my parents that his family had a bit of a... History with mine. He has quite the silver tongue, so he could hit all my parents' buttons in all the right ways so they wouldn't pry for too much information and expose him. Now that I know everything. I didn't know the true intent, obviously. The night before he left, he inquired if he could bring me with to try and smooth things over with his own familial ties. My father, specifically, was incredibly suspicious... But he was sweet talked into agreeing. So I was brought here and... The rest is history.”

There was a pause as Thanatos digested all of the information just fed to him, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Does that mean then... That... That you returned all of my feelings? You didn't do that because you hated me, or thought I was a fuck up?”

Grae laughed weakly, and it sounded like something not so weighted down shone through, “No, I... No, you idiot. I never thought any of that after that night. As we became closer. Actually, I thought... If anything, I thought the opposite. I thought you were strong, brave, if I'm honest, everything I'm not. You... Are the one person who makes me feel things no one else makes me feel. And despite the fact it scares me, I can't help but be happy about it. I look forward to feeling those feelings when I'm with you.

“And when I had to put it all to an end, it felt like I had to force every word up out of my throat. I've done it for so long that I don't have to even try anymore, but it took a lot of my willpower to do that to you. … And I never stopped ruminating over it, either. I missed you, but I figured I couldn't go back on what I had done. If anything, I'm at least glad this could bring me back to you... I do return the feelings you seem to have, I think.”

“... Ah,” Thanatos said quietly, feeling his heart flutter as his stomach twisted. “I really wish I could be happier about hearing that.”

Grae paused, the dagger being shoved in again. “... Yeah. I know I fucked it up.”

“I never—I didn't—Shut up. I didn't say that. I never once told you that. I... I can't just immediately go back to what we had, you know? I... I believe you, and I want nothing more than to just pull you into my arms, but I just—what you did _really fucking hurt_. I can't let that go so easily. I need some time... If I can just... Have that... But I... I need to apologize to Sin, for all of this, I... I know he didn't mean it, but I **was** acting pretty bratty and childish. And Nevaeh, who had to actually strike me to protect the one person who I _also_ should be always protecting. I don't know if I can forgive myself for that. I worried him... And hurt him...”

“He doesn't hold it against you,” the elf mused. “No one needs to even know him long to know Sinclair thinks the world of you. He would always give you the benefit of the doubt, and he would never think you'd do anything to genuinely hurt him. I don't think he'll be angry, but... Your accountability is commendable.”

Grae was startled when all he heard was sniffling as a response. Was Thanatos crying again? He turned to him to see the purple-haired chibido having his head craned down so his face would be hidden. He could still see the tears glistening in the low-light as they dripped onto the sheets. It still startled him whenever he saw Thanatos crying and vulnerable, a year ago he would've never considered it a possibility.

“... Thank you,” the rabbit rasped softly, almost inaudible. “It was so hard to breathe, the longer you weren't with me. I couldn't figure out what I was going to do without you. I don't know what you've done to me, but the thought of losing it forever... It was almost too much to bear. I'm glad I can see your face again, Grae.”

Thoroughly stunned and dumbfounded, the snow elf floundered, glancing around frantically as if the bookshelves or writing desk would tell him what to say. He opened, closed, then re-opened his mouth. Breath hitching, his brain surprisingly silenced itself, and the words just came out, “... Despite the circumstances, seeing you truly has made me feel so much lighter, Thanatos. I really do feel the same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to properly chill and let these boys heal. ... I'm sure Sinclair will do a _very_ good job of assisting with that.~ It's just who Sinclair is! But you'll find that out more in-depth reaaaal soon. c: Ta-ta for now.~


End file.
